Grief in Birthwork

Dear reader,

This past week, I had the chance to sit with an old tree in a beautiful garden, and to notice the curve of their trunk away from the path. Sitting with this wise being, I thought about the lessons that plants share about reaching for light, for sustenance, for life — even when that means following a winding or divergent path.

As I’ve been preparing to host birth worker friends in a support circle garden gathering this month, I’ve been reflecting on the innate and persistent desire to be well that we hold as living beings. I’ve been thinking about the grief that is tied to care work within systems that so often demand more than we have to give. I recently read in a substack article (linked here): “People think grief means something has ended. Often it means something refuses to.” This resonated when thinking about grief related to burnout in care work as being born from the unending desire to be well, despite being stretched thin. This framing holds a lot of hope for me, and a lot of trust in our deep capacities for healing and joy alongside the heartache of grieving the parts of ourselves that aren’t able to exist or expand fully in the context of our present working conditions.

In the poem Off the Clock, Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer writes, “I want to be a question only the moment can answer,” and gives words to a felt desire that I have known through many seasons. To me, cultivating spaces for birth workers and care workers to be still, be present, and to show up for ourselves and one another holds magic — the kind of magic where pain and joy get to coexist and where connection eases the burden, even a little.

As I think about how we can work to be well together, I leave you with one last quote. In the book Returning Home to Our Bodies Abigail Rose Clarke writes, “You will be equally held by the ground whether you are wailing in joy or sorrow.” I give so much gratitude to the trees, plants, and grounds that hold us and witness us in the fullness of our experiences as we do this work. I wish for each of us to have moments where we feel deeply witnessed and in which we can connect with the gift of stillness as we walk together towards healing & liberation for all beings.

If you are looking for a safe space to feel held and witnessed in your grief, please reach out to hello@shapeshiftcounselling.ca for counselling support in Victoria, BC.

With deep care,

Samihah